When my dad was in the ICU we didn’t know if he was going to survive. Hour by hour, minute by minute, we waited to hear what was happening. 

And I prayed. 

I prayed to whoever or whatever would listen. I pressed the heels of my hands together and prayed on my knees. I clutched crystals and sage and prayed to the earth’s energy. I prayed out into the dark ethers of the world. I begged and I believed. 

Now that he’s recovering, I find that I’m still drawn to this practice. 

Though I’m not particularly drawn to the idea of a male figure controlling the world’s events, I do find myself wondering if there is some force that affects the way we live. 

After all, my brother has always dreamed of opening his own brewery/pizza restaurant. The year before the Coronavirus struck, he was trying to figure out ways to pull together the funds. However, a few things fell through and he wasn’t able to open it. Though those obstacles seemed like a disheartening roadblock at the time, they were actually a blessing. 

If he’d pulled out the loans, then launched his fledgling business right as restaurants were forced to close, his money would have been a sunk cost. 

Similarly, I was feeling stuck in my current position at the end of 2019. I felt there was no way to grow. I wasn’t sure how I was contributing. So, I took some interviews with recruiters who reached out. None of those interviews transpired into actual job offers, and this made me feel less than. Was I right for any role? Would I ever be able to get another job? Would I ever be able to grow? Would I ever be able to transition into a role focused on sustainability?

Again, when the coronavirus hit hard, I realized how lucky I was to have not switched careers. How lucky I was to be in my current role. I am stable and employed. I am so lucky. 

It’s almost like the universe put those roadblocks in front of us, stopped the flow of energy toward those new endeavors because they just weren’t “meant to be.”

Everything happens for a reason. 

I’ve always hated that saying. I’ve always believed in our control over our destinies. There’s no fate. My story isn’t already written. We write our own stories. Our actions directly affect their outcomes, not because of some predetermined reason, but because action causes reaction. Science. Fact. 

I still believe this… in a way.

But what if there’s something else to it?

Here’s what I’m proposing. 

There is energy flowing around us at all times. We know this to be true with electricity, UV rays, kinetic energy. 

But what if there’s a different type of energy? A different type of flow. 

And not just one, but many channels of energy. 

These channels of energy lead to different places. Some to places of light. Some to places of darkness. Some to McDonald’s. Some to a Broadway stage. 

What if our lives are just our bodies and minds, navigating through these energy flows. Many of us don’t even notice they’re there. Maybe once or twice there’s been that “gut” feeling, a glimpse of an energy flow, but we don’t think much of it. Intuition is a lost art. 

However, some are lucky enough to feel that energy and find that perfect flow. If they keep following it, undistracted by the other flows that cross their path, they find a place of goodness and light. A place they’re “meant to be.”

Am I getting too meta? That’s what quarantine will do to you, I guess.

However, we often hear stories where people say, “it just felt right.” Or, sometimes, “I prayed and it led me to X.”

What if prayer is simply one of the ways to tune into the energy that flows around us?

Think about it. If we’re usually too busy to notice energy flowing around us, why wouldn’t the act of being still, opening ourselves up, letting go of our egos, and looking toward a bigger picture, be a way of feeling the energy; the channels of flowing power?

Of course, prayer isn’t the only way to feel these flows of energy. And you may also feel the flow of energy leading toward darkness.

On that note, maybe meditation, yoga, running, hiking, reading a good book, coding a new experience, or even sleeping are all ways to tune into these flows. We’ve heard of innovators whose inventions started with a dream.

Maybe when we find that “flow” state that so many self-help gurus talk about, we’re actually just leaning into those energy channels, moving with the currents as opposed to across or against them.

We’re opening ourselves up to the energy that is constantly swirling around us and hoping to feel moved by the one that will lead us to “where we’re meant to be.”

Maybe meditation, yoga, running, hiking, reading a good book, coding a new experience, sleeping, or even dancing are all prayer.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m talking about here, but these thoughts have helped me a lot during this time. As I continue to navigate day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second of this life, I am trying to be open to what forces that are pulling me. I am trying to be mindful of where they’re telling me to go. I am praying (if you can call it that).