Quarantine Diaries: Rediscovering my motivation

I’ve always been interested in self-improvement. There’s just something about dreaming up future versions of myself that I’ve loved. From health to knowledge, I’ve always thrived when I am marching toward a goal. 

It’s why I love podcasts about optimizing behaviors and functional medicine. It’s why I took a course in UX research and design last year. 

I guess I’m most alive when I’m living for some new project. 

However, the last few weeks have been something of a drought for me. I looked into taking a nutrition course (something I’ve always been interested in due to the bowel issues I’m sure you’re only too excited for me to move on from). Yet when it came time to actually pay for and start the course, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. 

Lethargy seemed to have overtaken my body. It weighed me and drew a sleepy cover over my eyes. Honestly, I haven’t felt like doing much other than playing a fish game on my phone and watching a Hallmark show on Netflix. Neither of which scream personal growth…

Without my usual manic energy to target toward improving my sleep techniques, experimenting with my diet, bullet journaling, etc., I’ve been left to stare down at the unfinished jigsaw puzzle on my coffee table. 

I suppose I should look on the bright side, find the silver lining. It’s not a bad thing to just rest. 

However, I can’t explain how thrilled I was this morning when this old feeling returned like a spark. It was faint at first, but grew until I almost felt like my old self. 

It started with my normal routine of washing the dishes that I did not was the night before. Then I reached into my cupboard and pulled down my Four Sigmatic mushroom coffee with Lion’s Mane. I’d just ordered some as an alternative to a regular cup of coffee (which was stirring up my anxiety and making sleep quite elusive). 

I poured the little packet into boiled water and breathed in the earthy scent. Then I sat down at my work station and took a sip. I felt as though I was coming back to life. I was motivated for the first time in a long time. I started thinking about things outside of waking up and making it through the day.

I answered emails, uploaded a blog post for work, and attended meetings. 

In between these projects, I took a break to walk in the sun (okay, I took a break to try to go find donuts—which ended up a fail) and finally listened to the podcast episode my dad had recommended to me. 

I’ve actually been avoiding all podcasts apart from Office Ladies recently because I haven’t wanted to hear about other people talk about anything serious. 

I’ve been especially resistant to hearing methodologies around thriving in this current environment. I haven’t wanted to thrive. I’ve wanted to just survive. Thinking of other motivated people made me cringe. 

I also didn’t want to listen to anything COVID-19 related. I didn’t think I could handle it. 

But today I felt up for it. And my dad, who had actually survived a critical episode of COVID-19, had recommended it. 

So I turned on Tim Ferris’ interview with Dr. Vivek Murthy. As the former Surgeon General, I was expecting to be overwhelmed with data about the Coronavirus and the disease it caused. Instead, I was met with a calming voice who spoke about loneliness, empathy, and what it would look like if we actually came together as people rather than opposing sides. 

Honestly, it was such an insightful interview and really helped to shape my own perspectives of the situation. 

After that, I continued on to finish a couple of projects and did an at-home workout. Now, I’m sitting down to write this recap and to look into some other online nutrition courses that I can take to at least get my feet wet in the field. 

I’m still feeling more motivated and alive than I have for weeks. I’m not sure what brought about this return to energy and interest in self-improvement, but I hope it lasts. In any case, I’m glad I was able to approach today with a positive attitude and a curiosity for more than the final flamingo beak in my jigsaw puzzle. 

I think I might even start reading my new book (that’s just been sitting in my on my shelf for the past three weeks).