29 Means Challenges? Happiness? Craziness? Disfunction?

Yesterday didn’t start off quite the way I would have hoped.

For the past week, I’ve had a stinging ache along my ribs and upper back. Day after day, the pain would not subside and I finally started to fear that it was the flu. I will say that my immune system is pretty strong (probably from years as a barefoot child who truly believed she was Pocahontas and ran around in the dirt).

BUT about once a year, I do seem to become more susceptible to germs and get the flu for a couple of days.

However, there were a couple of signs this time around that made me question whether that’s what was happening to me. First of all, the only aches I had were around my ribs. Second, my brain was clear enough to write copy for a bunch of emails while also strategizing a new campaign. Normally when I have the flu, it’s basically like I’m hallucinating. Like I’m seeing the room through pixelated glasses. Everything is almost in order, but just can’t seem to fit into place.

Maybe it’s this association with sickness that makes me adverse to hallucinogens…

Anyway, on Friday, when I came home and the pain along my upper body was still very present, I thought it was a good idea to check my temperature. Note: I had been so excited to celebrate a friend’s birthday at the Emporium that evening and was supposed to only stop at home to drop off my work laptop before heading over to the brewcade.

I should also mention that the following day was my joint-birthday celebration alongside 3 other January babies.

I took my temperature with my roommate’s baby thermometer (yes, she’s a first grade teacher) and saw that, with the added degree for adults, I was at 100.7. I could feel the tears.

I will say that this was a sign that I’d noticed earlier in the week. A sign that often meant that I did have the flu. For me, sudden bursts of tears and emotion often mean that I’m sick. Otherwise, a moody glare, extreme rage, or ignorance of any sort of emotion is what you’ll get. Not tears.

Looking at that fever written in digital numbers, I was so depressed. I’d been waiting not only for a night out with coworkers but a celebration with three other January birthday babies on the following day. It wasn’t fair. Wah. Wah. Wah!

So, I went to bed after chugging a packet of Emergence-C and taking some Nyquil.

This knocked me out until about 10:30 AM the next day. The good news is that I woke up feeling fine (apart from the persistent pain alongside my ribcage). I brushed my teeth and took my temperature again. It was a normal 97.8 degrees.

Thank goodness! I thought. I can go to my party!

Before I could go, however, I had to make it to Safeway to purchase the supplies that I had signed up for on the birthday spreadsheet. Yes, we’re Capricorns and have a birthday spreadsheet. Paper plates, cups, napkins and, of course, Prosecco. I was also pretty hungry and planned to buy some vegetarian breakfast sausages for a quick bite before rushing downtown to the apartment where we’d be having our celebration.

In Safeway, I bought compostable versions of all my supplies, two bottles of Prosecco, tylenol for my ribs, breakfast sausages and some overpriced juices that I figured might help whatever it was that my body was trying to fight off.

By the time I got back home, it was already time for me to head out for the party. I chugged a juice as I put on my Peik Lin Goh costume. The party theme was Crazy Rich Asians.

Baggy striped pants? Check. Red baggy shirt? Check. Collared undershirt? Check. Weird black bowtie necklace? Check. Chinese-inspired bedroom slippers? Check!

Then, I called a car. Strangely, when I tried to plug in the address it didn’t show up in Uber. Instead of Van Ness, only South Van Ness populated in the destination section. Well, I thought, that must be it then.

I grabbed my four paper bags of supplies, stuffed a blonde wig into a backpack and headed out to where my car was waiting.

Once in the Uber, I texted my fellow birthday hosts that I was on my way. They were already setting up and I was a bit late. Still, I was only going to arrive about ten minutes past twelve (only ten minutes late for set up).

As we drove downtown, I started to realize that there was a difference between Van Ness and South Van Ness. I was going too far out. Scrambling on my phone, I tried to re-enter the address but, still, only South Van Ness was showing up.

The car pulled to the right and stopped.

“Okay,” the driver said, “here we are.”

I looked outside and saw the 148 South Van Ness address and sighed. This was the wrong address but Uber was not pulling up the correct one. What was I to do?

Stepping out of the car with my baggy pants flowing, I grabbed my four bags and hobbled to the sidewalk. I opened my Maps app and looked up the real address. It was about four or five blocks away. Traffic was crazy and I knew I was better off walking than I was trying to call another car.

So, gathering my supplies, I took off down the street. I have to say I was a bit apprehensive as I walked into narrow, construction-covered sidewalks that smelled of urine and past people who didn’t look quite like they had the healthcare they needed.

Strangely enough, however, no one seemed to bother me. I’m a girl of small stature and was carrying too many bags to defend myself, so my guard was up.

That is until I walked past a building with large glass doors and caught a glimpse of myself. The baggy clothes hung off me. My hair was disheveled from the wind and was sticking out with strands in every which way. I had bags draped around my shoulders as well as in both hands. I looked… I looked… I looked crazy. And not in a crazy rich way. In a way that made people move aside for me on the streets.

I’ve never been so happy to be such a mess in my life.

That is until I had to stand in front of the lobby doors to the luxury apartments where the party was taking place. Standing there in my costume with all of my bags surrounding me, I felt wrong. Tall, beautiful, freshly-showered people walked in and out past me on their way for some cute errand in Hayes valley.

It was the longest five minutes of my life.

In the end, the party was great. We made dumplings, took photos, talked story, laughed and danced. There was some drama with the front desk security becoming extremely aggressive and angry with us for (I think) having too many guests. But, otherwise, it was absolutely lovely.

I wonder if this is what 29 is going to be like for me. Amazingness mixed with anxiety. Fun with confusion. Difficulty with happiness. Whereas last year, I feel like there were these large moments of happiness and then singular moments of sadness, it feels like this year, these feelings are going to be so much more interspersed. I’ll have one alongside the other. No accomplishment will come without some sort of embarrassment. And vice versa. No drama without a moment of sunshine.

It’s something that I’m now ready for and that I think I can learn a lot from. What I’m sure I’ll find is day-to-day experiences that both fulfill me and also drain me. I’m sure I’ll realize that this helps me to appreciate those moments that do bring me happiness and that do come with ease. All while I learn to overcome those moments that are hard for me to deal with, that feel challenging and overwhelming and feel like they’re weighing me down.