Why Curiosity is the Best Trait for Careers, Conversations, & Battling Social Anxiety

In this post, I’ll talk about the pressures of “finding your passion,” approaching this objective from a new angle, and why I’m now focusing on cultivating my curiosity.

When I first moved to San Francisco, I worked for a company that helped recent graduates find jobs. I was an assistant to the content marketing manager. In this role, I learned all about things like networking events, career path exploration, and “finding your passion” workshops.

These were workshops that helped students discover their passion, which would (theoretically) guide them to the right type of career.

At the time, I felt like I was missing something…

I wasn’t passionate about anything… Sure, I like writing. I might even love it. But was I passionate about it?

I’ve always been interested in so many things, but I’ve never felt “passionate” about any one of those things.

I think it has to do with the word “passion” itself.

It feels too strong to be applied to any thoughts or emotions I’ve ever had. At least for just one thing.

In college, I was Phi Beta Kappa, receiving high grades in every subject. BUT I failed to make honors within my own program. I never could prioritize it enough. I had too many other interests (like the things we were learning in environmental science or creating the ultimate costume for that themed party I was going to).

Did this mean I was on the wrong career path? If I wasn’t passionate about anything, was there even a right career path for me?

Knowing that the word “passion” made me uncomfortable, I tried approaching the idea from another angle. Instead of focusing on the specific tasks or projects that interest me (or “make me tick”), I’ve started to hone in on the types of people that I admire.

Humanizing this question enabled me to discover what I responded to both mentally and emotionally.

In the mornings, I walk to my work’s shuttle through Golden Gate Park. Only the morning joggers and the mist are around me. During this walk, I always listen to a podcast. I find that I get consumed in the conversations. I greatly admire the interviewer’s ability to listen and deviate from a list of pre-created questions to actually discover something new; something the interviewee themselves didn’t know they had to share.

In the shuttle, as we sit in stop-and-go traffic on 19th Avenue, I’ll often read. I’m inspired by authors. I love the way they introduce perspectives on life into their work, exploring the nuanced facets of daily life both metaphorically and scientifically.

At work, I find myself in that coveted “flow” state when I’m trying to solve a problem with a coworker. I love those peers and mentors who are able to go beyond the black and white answer and challenge themselves to dig deeper.

With friends, I am awed by friends who have the ability to ask a question that spurs conversation, that gets the group out of a lull and provides us with subject matter we could talk about all night.

What do these people and activities have in common?

Curiosity.

Every single person whose books, podcasts, projects, and conversations have left me feeling inspired and motivated have one thing in common: unending curiosity.

That’s what I admire. It might even be what inspires passion in me.

Again, not a fan of this word, but we’ll see if I can get over it.

I want to bring endless curiosity into my life.

Curiosity and social anxiety:

I’ve never felt at ease in situations that require me to meet new people. I find that if I’m introduced to someone by a mutual friend and that friend leaves, silence infiltrates the space. There’s nothing but emptiness between myself and the new acquaintance.

Though this has always been incredibly painful for me in the moment, I think that I’ve allowed myself to use it as a badge of pride'; viewed it as a quirky, painful but cute part of my identity. I’m Socially Awkward! I even have a coffee mug that says so.

And I understand the need to normalize this trait. With the world we live in, it’s something that so many of us struggle with. So I think it’s important for people to know that having these feelings of discomfort in social situations is perfectly fine.

However, personally, I don’t think it should be something that I’m proud of.

I don’t want to be limited by this trait. I don’t want to fear every new social situation.

What does this have to do with curiosity?

Again, I think about my friends who seemingly have no signs of social anxiety. Friends who are able to engage comfortably with new people, directly after meeting them.

I realized that it’s because they’re able to ask the right questions. Let me rephrase that: it’s because they ask questions that get the other person to open up, share, and let the conversation flow. These questions are often things I’d never even think of. I often find myself thinking wow! What a great question. How does she think of these?

As a result, social anxiety levels drop and everyone chats.

My goal is to try to replicate this. In fact, I gave it a try. What did I discover?

My curiosity isn’t strong enough yet.

What I realized is that my friend who asked those questions was genuinely curious about the other person. It didn’t come from a need to relieve tension in the conversation. She actually wanted to know the strangest thing he’d eaten that week.

I often just want to know how long it will be until someone I know steps back into the room.

So, my goal is to focus on growing my curiosity.  I want to nourish it so that I genuinely feel that same excitement and growth opportunity in every situation I find myself in. I want questions to come naturally. I want my questions to lead to answers I never thought I’d receive.

As I work toward this goal, I’ll create updates and share them with you here.