Fate: A Hindrance or an Advantage?

Is fate ruining my life?

As someone who seeks the logical answer behind any situation, it may come as a surprise that I’m a believer in fate. Well, not a believer, per se. If asked if I believe in a predetermined destiny, I would firmly answer, “no.” I control my life. The decisions I make affect what happens next. My actions do have consequences.

However, when faced with larger questions—questions that I may not want to answer—I often allow myself to believe that the answers are written in the stars.

Will I ever actually become a writer? Will I ever find someone to be in love with? Will I ever be able to live abroad?

My natural response is,  if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.

But what does that even mean?? Do I really believe that some force beyond my control will suddenly make it easy to get a resident visa, a job, and housing in some other country? I’m pretty sure no one wants Americans right now, so I’m definitely a bit off my rocker if I think that’s the case.

But I know what this response is. It’s a coping mechanism. When things don’t go my way or if I’m unsure about the future, suddenly I’m a believer in fate!

Everything’s okay and I don’t have to obsess or spend hours reading government websites (seriously, I gave up after about five minutes), because some divine force is actually controlling the playing field.

In the grand scheme of things, I’m not in control.

Meaning: my inability to find someone of the opposite sex (who is interested in fantasy books, cats, car camping, functional medicine—and poop talks for that matter) has nothing to do with the fact that I have unrealistic standards and that I’m completely closed-off to meeting anyone in that capacity. It’s simply because it’s not my destiny yet. When it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

And my inefficient attempts to do research on how to move abroad for a year has nothing to do with my lack of motivation and commitment (nor my fear of what it will really be like once I’m there). No, no. It is, of course, because I’m not meant to live anywhere else just yet.

So is my belief in fate holding me back?

Here’s where the debate begins. Now that I’ve realized that this reliance on fate has been a sort of crutch over the years, I’ve started to examine whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

The cons of my belief in destiny

On the one hand, it’s enabled me to shy away from actually putting myself out there. This year was previously dubbed #shootyourshot2019 (unofficially by my friend group after an acquaintance hit on his fitness instructor), but I’ve consistently avoided shooting any shot. In Finland, after meeting the woodsy, calming guide who I instantly fell in love with, I simply went back to my cabin. Because, if we were meant to meet again, we would. Wouldn’t we?

At work, I’ve let opportunities slip by because eh, if they were meant to be, they’d just be.

Even with my workouts and nutrition, I’ve kind of just let myself believe that if I was meant to have something other than an egg body, I would have it by now. So, I don’t push myself to workout every day of the week (case in point tonight which involved Southern Charm and Say Yes to the Dress) nor do I refuse the burritos and Ike’s sandwiches that find their way into my day. Destiny definitely put those in my life.

So in these instances, my faith in the cosmic powers that be (is it at be?) allow me to be lesser than. To coast. To lazily move through my life.

The pros of my belief in destiny

On the other hand, I’m a total psychopath and if I didn’t allow myself some of these, “it’s just not in the cards” moments, I would probably implode.

As someone who likes to follow a plan (and can often get distressed—and take it out on whoever’s nearest) if that plan deviates from its path, I find it useful to be able to use “destiny” to bring me back down to Earth. A tantrum can be quelled with “listen, it’s just not meant to happen today.”

Dinner plans (that I’ve had on my calendar for weeks) got canceled? That’s okay, now I can make that recipe I’ve been wanting to try. Things worked out this way for a reason.

I’ve also found that, if possible, getting in touch with my fate-believing-inner-self before a social situation can be extremely helpful. Knowing that the plan is to have no plan; that the day will unfold as it’s supposed to unfold, allows me to eliminate any expectations and just go with the flow. Spontaneity without the nausea-inducing feeling of being out of control. Believe me, when I’m able to do this, I’m a lot more fun. I can even endure a campsite crawling with spiders. I’m talking totally zen.

So, I’m left where I began. Is my belief in fate a hindrance or an advantage?

Would love to know your thoughts in the comments.

Also, who needs fate when you have Snapchat? I found my soulmate right here:

HOW SCARY IS THIS???? I’M TERRIFIED.