The Kook Aunty Guide to a Perfect Weekend in Grand Teton National Park

A shaggy looking Saint Bernard trotted over to us. The lower half of his body caked in mud and his face featuring that classic Saint Bernard droop which turned hopeful as he neared us, leaning against our legs for cuddles. A few paces away, rows of horses in varying shades of browns, golds, speckles, and palamino, swatted flies with their tales and stomped their hooves.

It was my first official day back in Grand Teton National Park. I’d visited once before during the winter, when the ground was frosted white and the trees were bare and naked. This was the first time I’d visited during the summer (if I could still call it that while the leaves threatened autumn by showing off fantastic shades of yellow and orange). 

Day 1 in Grand Teton National Park

1. Start the Morning with Cowboy Coffee & Views of the Tetons

I woke early that morning, determined to make the most of my first full day. I was staying at my cousin’s house for the weekend. She’d recently taken a fulltime position with the park and was able to live within its boundaries. This made for the perfect set-up to optimize my time over the next two days.

The only problem?

She doesn’t drink coffee…

Luckily, we had some pour-over pouches of Cowboy Coffee instant coffee. Pulling open the top and attaching the pouch handles to the rim of one of two coffee mugs that were found in her house, I heated some water in a Walmart fifty-cent plastic tumbler in the microwave then made the pourover.

I took the mug of coffee, which was tasty for instant coffee, and walked back over to the large U-shaped gray sofa that functioned as both a communal gathering place during the day and my bed at night. From my position against the back corner, I could look out of the rectangular windows to my left to see the Tetons set against the sky. 

The view, knowing that I was surrounded by trees and mountains and beasts of all kinds, and the warm aroma of coffee brought a smile to face.

2. Horseback Ride with a Teenager

Our first activity for the weekend was a horseback trail ride. I’d requested it as soon as I’d discovered it was an option. After paying (cash only) and signing the paperwork that was placed in front of us (as true kooks we skimmed rather than gave it a thorough read), we were ready to ride!

We waited in a patch of sun and gave pets to a mud-caked Saint Bernard until a cowboy in a big white cowboy hat and sun-bleached jeans sauntered over and casually asked if we were ready to go. He introduced us to our guide, a young man (even younger it turned out than he first appeared) who was slouched on his large brown horse named Hogan.

He seemed like the strong silent type at first, but it soon became obvious that he had a lot to say. Once my cousin let slip that she’d been on an elk hunting trip before, he eagerly regaled us with his own hunting experiences, his dreams of learning to taxidermy, and how much he wanted a “cool-lookin’ dog.”

His eagerness and enthusiasm were quickly explained when he told us that he’d just turned nineteen. I blinked a few times thinking about the fact that my guide was over two decades younger than I was. I also tried not to think about how idiotic I had been at nineteen.

Though the thought of letting a teenager lead me up a mountain on horseback caused my heart to skitter slightly, I do have to say teen guides can make for entertaining trail rides. I’ve done a similar horseback trail ride led by teenagers before.

The full recap of this trail ride can be found here >

3. Explore General Stores & Observe Dragonfly Orgies

After dismounting from our horses, walking with the signature bow-legged saunter that results from years off a horse, we tipped our guide and got back into our rental car. My stomach had started growling on the way back from the view point and we and tipping our guide, we got back into the rental car and drove to Colter Bay. 

There, as my cousin had promised we found a General Store, a gift shop, bathrooms, and views of the water. 

We arrived and parked in the lot then walked over to the general store which was wooden and looked like something out of an old Western. Inside, a coffee shop promised varying brews and espresso drinks and I ordered a cold brew to stave off the tiredness that came with having landed the night before. Then I made my way into the store itself. Inside, it was nothing special but had plenty of supplies to help push our hunger away. Shelves were stacked with snacks, pre-made sandwiches, and household necessities. 

I purchased a protein pack consisting of one hardboiled egg, a block of cheese, and chocolate-covered almonds. I also bought a new water bottle (I had lost mine) and a veggie wrap. Oh, and a box of tampons, the last mile of trotting on our trail ride had felt risky and sure enough… aunt flow had arrived.  

We took our food outside to eat at one of the picnic tables set up in a little forested area near the bathrooms. I filled my water bottle at the spigot that was attached to the exterior wall of between the general store and gift shop on top of a painted moose head. 

Once rejuvenated with food in our bellies and hydrated with refilled water bottles, we walked down the sidewalk and onto a dirt path lined with trees to the shoreline of Colter Bay. 

It was beautiful, though murky where the boats were docked, reflecting the pines in the surface of the water. However, though I’m embarrassed to admit it, what really caught my eye was the swarm of dragonflies that were buzzing above the grass. 

I had seen a pair earlier when we parked the car and instantly noticed they were mating. Now, down by the water, there was an entire swarm of insects, each buzzing together in a cloud of sex. They were thinner than the dragonflies we have back home and seemed almost entangled in an acrobatic tumble as opposed to carnal delights, but there was no denying what was happening.

Google was surely surprised (or not surprised at all) by my questions that came after witnessing this orgy of dragonflies, but I have yet to find the answer as to why they were mating in a group rather than alone. I’ll have to check Reddit next. 

4. Piss Off Cyclists to Get Some Cardio

Despite the coffee, my energy was fading as we drove back to my cousins house. We had about an hour before we had to leave for Jackson to get to our dinner reservation in time. 

I wish I could nap. I would love to nap. Unfortunately, whenever I fall asleep mid-day for an hour or less (or more), I wake up groggy, more tired than ever, and with terrible indigestion. For Peet’s sake! Can’t a kook get some rest around here? 

Instead, I’ve found that some cardio (despite how awful it feels to begin with) can be a great way to wake myself up. So, I decided to go for a run along the bike path which runs along the main road. 

After a gentle warning from my cousin that I should not be going anywhere without bear spray, I clutched a can in hand and took off out of the park to the road where I found the bike path. At first, there weren’t any cyclists to avoid but as I made my way toward Dornan’s (no, I didn’t run all the way there), cyclists rode past. 

Though they didn’t say anything, I could tell they weren’t pleased to have a slow pedestrian huffing and puffing up their path. Unfortunately, there was no other place for me run without being hit by a car, so it was what it was, and the jog helped me come back to life. I was awake enough to shower, change, and jump in the car to head to Jackson for dinner. 

5. Indulge with Dinner & Ice Cream in Jackson, Wyoming

I’d had dinner with friends at Glorietta the last time I was in Jackson. This time, I was ready to order (though it did not go unnoticed that the menu was missing the Mozzarella Fritti aka mozzarella sticks). 

We had opted for the first seating at 5pm. There’s nothing us kooks love more than a grandparent-approved dinnertime. We walked around town, checking out the various Huckleberry offerings at each tourist trap store, then arrived back at Glorietta a few minutes before five. 

The restaurant wasn’t open yet, so we took a seat in the outdoor patio area. Almost as soon as we did, the doors opened and we walked in. 

We ordered a white bean puree with toasted bread, a salad topped with pine nuts, quinoa, and fennel, an eggplant dish to share. Each of us then ordered our mains. 

As the lone vegetarian, I had the pesto pasta (delicious) and washed it down with a cold Lambrusco. My parents ordered the elk pasta and my cousin got a bison steak. The bison steaks was a fan favorite, my parents sneaking bites whenever she offered. 

Overall, the meal was so delicious and surprisingly affordable!

After dinner, we absolutely needed dessert. We walked across the square to Moo’s Gourmet Ice Cream where we waited in line for the young men behind the counter to call us over. The Yelp reviews had made it seem that the ice cream was going to be “overpriced for the quantity.”

Due to these reviews, my dad and cousin both ordered two scoops (to make sure they were getting enough ice cream). I’m not sure where these reviewers were from but holy moly cow cannoli! The portions were not small… I ordered a kid’s scoop of the huckleberry and it was the perfect size, the creamy, sweetness of huckleberry a delight. 

Meanwhile, after trying (and failing) to finish two enormous, heaping regular-sized scoops it was obvious that the portions were far bigger than we were expecting. We are a family from Hawaii and I currently live in San Francisco, so perhaps our perceptions of prices are a bit skewed as well.
Overall, it was obvious that the ice cream was homemade with its thick creaminess and unique flavors. 

6. Get Aggressive with Board Games

Returning to my cousin’s house in the park, we decided to work off the sugar with a game of “Taco, Cat, Goat, Cheese, Pizza.” The game involves slapping cards, pretending to be a gorilla, narwhal, or gopher, and can get pretty aggressive, so after a few rounds, we stopped to get to bed.  

Day 2 in Grand Teton National Park

1. Start Off with More Cowboy Coffee

The next morning, we started another day with Cowboy Coffee. Once again, we used the plastic cups to heat water and pour it over the little pouches of coffee that we attached to our mugs. 

After a cup and a half of coffee, reading as the sun rose steady into the sky, it was time to get one last activity in before we drove up to Bozeman, Montana. 

2. Float Down the Snake River

My cousin disappeared into her garage to pack up her inflatable stand-up paddle board, paddles, and emergency safety kit which included a fire starter and safety blanket. When she told me she was packing an emergency kit, my response was that I, too, was packing a protein bar… needless to say, she was not impressed with what I thought was going to sustain me should we encounter a disaster or get stranded overnight. 

When it was time to go, we climbed into her giant black truck and drove to the river. Along the way, we had to stop to officially enter the park, where a ranger in his seventies took more than a few minutes to recognize her despite the fact that they’d recently floated the river together themselves!

After moving along the winding roads, we arrived at the boat ramp where we unloaded the stand-up paddle board which lay flat on the sidewalk, the paddle, the seat for the paddle board, and life jackets. Then, with a bit of struggle, we start the power on the inflator. 

It took a while for the board to inflate, and we continued to question how much air it really needed. The quantity listed on the manual seemed far too high as we reached a point where it was a solid platform that we could sit on. 

Once we were satisfied with how inflated it was, we attached the seat, and my cousin went to the parking lot to park her truck. Meanwhile, I walked down to the shoreline in borrowed Chacos, to prepare for launch. 

Ten minutes later we were on the river, me cross-legged up front and my cousin in the inflatable seat in back. We passed fly fishers who were knee deep in the water, their gaiters keeping them dry, casting for trout that we saw swimming peaceful in the clear waters below. 

We stuck to the easy route, moving down with the current, my cousin moving the paddles (assembled to be double-ended like a kayak vs the single ended paddle form for standing on the stand-up paddle board). 

We passed by more fishermen who were grumbling with each other and riding in kayaks of their own. We moved at a leisurely pace, passing a beaver’s cottage, catching sight of a bald eagle that took respite on the upper branches of a nearby pine, and watching the fish jump for insects that rested on the surface of the river. Apparently, hatching seasons for insects differ from the spring birth influx that most animals adhere to, and this was prime time for trout to come and eat the little bugs. 

You can watch a video recap here >

At some point, we split the power bar I had brought and I realized how terribly I had to pee. Cowboy coffee can really go right through you! We parked on a small island and I waded out into the cold water until my torso was submerged. Then, we relaunched and moved around Ox Bend where I took over paddling. 

It felt as though I were an early explorer, discovering the beauty of America and the West, though with less of a focus on conquering than my predecessors had. 

I was less capable at paddling, needing to switch from a sitting to kneeling to standing position because my hips hurt from sitting cross-legged for so long. Finally, we reached the landing where we would exit from the float. There was a bit of a current and my cousin had to take over, steering with the paddle by placing it behind us and to the left so that we would turn in that direction to head toward the shore. 

We hauled the paddleboard up, making conversation with the fishermen from earlier who had arrived in their kayaks at the same time. They joked that they hoped people in their party hadn’t been bothering us too much and we laughed and asked them if they’d caught any fish. 

Up near the parking lot, we waited for my parents to come to drive my cousin back to her truck. She usually had to load the deflated paddle board onto her electric bike and bike back to the beginning of the float where her car was parked, so this was a treat to get a ride back with my parents. 

We deflated the paddle board and folded it up. I waited while my parents took my cousin back to her car and while they both drove back so that we could load up the board. Once they arrived and parked in the loading zone, we helped put everything back into her truck and then said our goodbyes. 
It was time for us to drive through Yellowstone all the way up to Montana where we’d be staying for the next few days. 

It had been a short but eventful two days in Grand Teton National Park and I had a new appreciation for this smaller, but just as mighty national park. It was hard to say goodbye, but the four-hour drive was calling us away. 

I’d visit again, soon, and with that we were gone.