Last weekend, I was really excited to have three days instead of two. I thought this extra day would give me time to not only do the essentials—clean my apartment and meal prep—but also give me time to write. Unfortunately, as I sat down at my computer, I felt totally uninspired. The blank page remained blank on my screen. Instead, I binge watched the first two seasons of The Last Kingdom and a Scottish drama on Netflix. 

Luckily, this weekend, I woke up feeling motivated and excited to write something for the blog. When I thought about today’s topic, I noticed the red string tied around my wrist. I want to share my first experience at a Mother’s Blessing. 

The first of my girlfriends is having a baby in less than ten days.

Even as I write that sentence, warmth grows in my belly and my heart swells. I can’t believe that she’s going to be a mother. I can’t believe something so precious is going to exist in this world so soon. That she and her husband are about to embark on a journey that will change and shape them in the wildest of ways. 

To be honest, I didn’t think I’d have such strong emotions about this event. After all, it’s not my baby and this is something people do. It’s exciting, but not something to get all weepy over. 

Yet here I am. Completely filled with love, hope, and joy—and totally weepy. 

I believe that this is due to Mother’s Blessing that I attended only a week or two ago. There is a red cord tied around my wrist and when I look at it, I feel connected to my friend and (to be honest) all the strong women who have impacted our lives. 

So what is a Mother’s Blessing?

This is the same question that I asked myself upon receiving my invitation. The card was long with a list of ritualistic objects that I needed to have on hand. 

For those who know me, it may seem like I would feel comfortable with the type of ceremony that the invitation seemed to entail. After all, I’ve always loved rituals, witchy objects, and have always believed in the power behind such practices. 

But to be honest, I was a bit apprehensive about what this blessing would be like. 

It sounded like it could go one of two ways: meaningful or hokey. 

But this wasn’t about me. It was about the mother-to-be and I trusted her to know exactly what she wanted and needed before giving birth. 

Which is exactly what this beautiful event turned out to be focused on. 

A Mother’s Blessing is a time for the expecting mother to be surrounded by the women she loves. It is a time for her to feel adored, pampered, supported, loved, and admired. It is a time for her to soak in all of this energy so that she can go into the next phase feeling prepared and strong. 

What happens during a Mother’s Blessing?

There was a reason that we needed so many objects for this ceremony. Each item played an important role in the day’s events. 

It started with a mindfulness practice. My friend wore a white dress and sat in a chair that had been decorated with greenery and flowers. Next to her was a haku lei (a flower headband) that served as a crown (because anyone who is about to give birth is truly a queen, am I right?).

After a short meditation, we each gave a message to her. This message could be anything from a poem to a memory to a song. 

What I didn’t expect to happen was for these shared messages to bring up so many emotions. I think especially now that we all live in our own silos because of the Coronavirus, thinking of our friendship over the years and how we grew into the people we are today because of the moments we shared, was something that was more emotional than any of us thought it would.

It was also so incredible to hear from her college friends or other friends that us “Hawaii” friends didn’t know well. I’d spent a few days with them during her wedding celebration years ago, but otherwise, hadn’t ever gotten to know them. Hearing how they spoke about their relationships with her, just like our group of friends did, it was almost as though you could feel this unseen bond all tied to the woman in white who sat and listened. 

With each shared thought, poem, or memory, a rose petal was placed into a footbath at our friend’s feet. Usually, we would have placed this petal in ourselves, but since this was a virtual event, her husband placed each petal in for us. 

Then he got to say a few words. I won’t repeat what they were, but needless to say, it was one of the most special things I’ve ever heard. 

After that, we grabbed our red strings. In normal circumstances, it would have been one long red piece of twine that we each wrapped around our wrists in one giant circle. Instead, we each focused on our friendship with the mother-to-be as we tied it around our wrists. 

This string bonds us. We wear it until she goes into labor. It is a constant reminder of our friendship; our bond. 

It may sound a bit cheesy, but as I type this, I can see it on my wrist and it makes me smile. 

Quarantine exemplifies it, but even outside of these strange times, the world can feel so lonely. Somehow, knowing that this red string is tied around my wrist, the mother-to-be’s wrist, to my other friends’ wrists, and to the wrists of other women who I only know but who are bonded to me during this short time—it makes the world feel a little less lonely. 

We are together. Even if it is in a small way. 

After that, surprised by how much we had cried, our host said one final blessing and then left the Zoom meeting so that we could all talk freely. We drank hot chocolate made with coconut milk and cacao (mine also had a bit of reishi) and just chatted until it organically fizzled. 

Then we signed off. 

How the Mother’s Blessing continues

Now we wait. 

When we notice the red string on our wrists, we will think of her. We will reach out to her. We will check-in and ask her questions as a continuous reminder or our friendship and support. 

When she goes into labor, we’ll all be notified. Because the mother-to-be’s friendships cross continents, we’re in a group WhatsApp chat. We’ll light a candle at that moment. When she is ready, she will cut the red string from her own wrist and metaphorically (and perhaps realistically), our strength will go to her. 

Again, it all sounds a bit woowoo, but maybe woowoo is what we need right now. Maybe woowoo is what gives mothers the ability to go through what they go through. Maybe woowoo is whole hell of a lot better than a world filled only with practicalism, uniformity, and seriousness. 

Whatever you believe, this thread around my wrist, the chance to share what our friendship means to me, and the ability to give her as much love and strength as possible has meant the world to me. I am so happy that I was able to attend this blessing.