A San Francisco Witch: The One in Quarantine
It’s that time of year again! Halloween is right around the corner which makes it the perfect time to check in with our favorite (though not the most talented) San Francisco witch. If you haven’t read about Arabella’s previous adventure on the 5 Muni bus, you can do so here. If you have, let’s jump right in and see how she’s faring in Quarantine.
Arabella yawned and stretched her arms above her head. It was nearly eight o’clock in the morning and she was just starting to move about her apartment. She wore a large Metallica T-shirt and a pair of underpants. James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich were typical warlocks, using their powers for entertainment and fame rather than saving the planet. Still, there wasn’t a witch out there who didn’t enjoy their music as well.
Considering Arabella had a meeting in just half of an hour, she needed to get going fast. She rifled through the drawers of her dresser searching for a pair of shorts or sweatpants. She debated about not putting on any pants at all, but thought better of it. There were too many news stories these days about employees exposing themselves on virtual meetings…
She found a pair of loose-fitting gray sweatpants and pulled them on. Then she found a blouse that was hanging on her clothing rack and changed into it. You would think that a witch could simply snap her fingers and be dressed to impress. Technically, this was true, but Arabella had never mastered it. You see, the clothes have to exist in your closet from the start (and Arabella had never been good at shopping). Then, you have to really focus on the exact items you want to wear. You have to picture them exactly, down to the buttons, in your mind’s eye. Try as she might, Arabella could never quite conjure up an exact image of her clothing. This resulted in her closet shooting out piles of shirts or dresses in whichever color she’d been imagining.
Anyway, that’s not what magic was intended for. Witches were supposed to use their magic to help the natural world.
After she dressed, Arabella brushed her teeth and walked into her kitchen. It was spacious enough with cabinets above her stove and sink. She reached into one and pulled out a jar of crushed herbs. Then she turned on the stove burner, placing her kettle on top to boil some water. She may or may not have given the flame a bit of zhoozsh to speed up the process.
When the kettle whistled, she poured the hot water into her cup and placed the herbs in a little cheesecloth baggy, dunking it into the liquid. Brew she said softly. The liquid in her cup darkened immediately.
Bringing it to her lips, she blew softly across the top. Another handy witch trick, cooling the liquid to the perfect temperature. Taking a sip, she relished the taste that combined savory roast with sweet floral notes.
Arabella may not have been the best witch in the city, but she had mastered the art of brewing caffeinated beverages in the morning. And if she was being honest with herself, what was more important? Her morning jump start or some potion that was supposed to speed the growth of a tree by a year? What was a year to a tree?
She walked out of her kitchen and took a seat at the antique wooden desk that was set up facing the bay window of her living room. She had to admit, she certainly preferred this commute. Walking from her kitchen to her living room was much better than the bus and all of its mortal characters.
Still, it was strange to live, work, and cast all in the same place.
She turned on her computer and checked her email inbox. It was mainly just notifications about feedback for two mock-ups she had submitted the previous day. The first mock-up was of an email newsletter for a virtual event that the office would be hosting. The second was for a landing page the team was creating for their new line of camping products, all made from recycled materials. She skimmed through the feedback and tried not to get too annoyed. Some comments were constructive, but others seemed to have been written just for the sake of writing.
That was something Arabella had noticed during quarantine. The mortals (and many witches for that matter) were so stir crazy that they took any opportunity they could find to communicate with another person—even if it meant leaving useless feedback (or posting photos of their pet toads in the coven’s message board ten times a day).
A pop-up appeared on Arabella’s screen, notifying her that it was time to join her Zoom meeting with her team. She didn’t mind Zoom meetings. They were better than the crystal ball gatherings that had now become a regular occurrence in her life. Crystal balls were so finicky and it was so difficult to see everyone at once.
She clicked the link for the meeting and accepted the use of her laptop’s camera and microphone.
George, Pratik, Sam, and Rashi were all already there. They sat silently in their little squares, blinking out at her. Arabella unmuted herself for a second.
“Hi everyone,” she said.
“Hi,” they all answered back, unmuting for that simple phrase and then re-muting. Waiting for their director, Anne to join.
She did a moment later. As usual, Anne looked polished and professional, even while living in quarantine and working remotely. From what they could see on screen, she wore a black turtleneck, gold earrings with some sort of green embellishment. Her dark hair was pulled back into either a braid or a low pony and her face was makeup free apart from a bit of lip color and a tint to her eyebrows. Anne was not on mute.
“Hi everyone - sorry that I’m running a couple minutes late. Had an early meeting with execs. Okay, let’s get this started. Where are we with the landing page redesign?”
“Just waiting on Arabella’s edits,” chimed in George.
Arabella was grateful that she was on Zoom where it was difficult to notice the angry flash that crossed her face. There was a special hex in her heart for George. He was such a left eye of a newt!
Editor’s Note: “Left eye of a newt” is a common description used by witches. It can be compared best to the mortal’s term “a horse’s ass.” It stems from the long withstanding (though never truly confirmed) belief that the left eye of a newt is far inferior to the right eye for potions and brews.
“Yes,” she said, unmuting herself, “I just received everyone’s feedback this morning. Edits can be made by end of day.”
She muted herself again and sincerely hoped she could get all of the edits completed by the end of the day. With Halloween right around the corner, she had coven meetings every night this week. It was truly exhausting, but the High Priestess insisted as they planned their first ever virtual Hallow’s Eve gala.
“Alright,” Anne said, “put a check-in on my calendar at five so that I can review.”
Arabella didn’t bother to unmute herself this time. She simply nodded. Well, shit, she thought, going to be late for our coven meeting… again.
“Are we still aligned on the launch date,” George asked, trying desperately to sound like he was on top of this assignment and hadn’t waited until yesterday at five in the evening to leave his one comment on the mock-up.
“Yes,” Pratik answered, “if Arabella can get those updates to us by the end of today, can we get the copy edited by tomorrow morning, Sam?”
“Yes, sure thing,” Sam said, unmuting himself, “Rashi, was there any copy feedback in this round of reviews.”
Rashi shook her head rather than unmuting herself. The small woman was fairly new to the team and it was obvious how intimidated of Anne she was.
“Okay,” Pratik chimed in again, “with Anne’s edits and copy edit by tomorrow morning, we should have everything ready for hand-off tomorrow afternoon. The site team can build it out on Thursday for launch on Friday.”
“Thank you, Pratik,” Anne said, “is there anything else team?”
There was nothing else and everyone, all back on mute now, shook their heads.
“Okay, then let’s get to it,” and Anne left the meeting.
For the rest of the morning and some of the afternoon, Arabella worked on tweaking the design in Photoshop and Adobe illustrator. If she was being honest, she genuinely enjoyed her mortal pursuits. Adobe illustrator was a magic of its own kind. With just a few (well, more than a few) moves of her mouse, she was able to bring new designs to life. Mortals could create some really amazing things—when they weren’t actively trying to destroy each other or the Earth.
She usually liked to take a broom break halfway through the day, but she just didn’t have time today. She looked over to the corner of her living room where the broom stood on its bristles. It wiggled slightly, looking terribly frustrated. She made an “I’m sorry” face at it. Poor thing. Hadn’t had a decent flight this whole week.
At five, she called into her check-in with Anne.
“Hi Ara,” the director said casually, “what’s the update?”
“Final mocks are ready to be submitted for the landing page and the email newsletter.”
“Okay, great. Let’s go through them quickly together here so you don’t have to wait on my feedback.”
If she was anything, Anne was efficient. Arabella sometimes wondered what it would be like if she was a witch. She’d make a great High Priestess.
Together, the two looked over the two mocks. Anne had just one or two callouts for each and then the call ended. It was five fifteen and Arabella hurried to make the tweaks, upload the mocks to their project management system, and notify the producer that they were ready.
Then she logged off her computer and went for a quick bathroom break before walking back into her living room. This time, she sat on her sofa (it was actually nice to change up her location a bit) and she removed the dark velvet cloth that covered the round crystal ball on the coffee table in front of her.
Shit, she thought, and ran back over to her desk to open her computer. She quickly navigated to her personal email address and opened up the coven meeting invite from Suzanna. Noting the meeting ID (a set of runes) and password, she hurried back to her sofa and placed both hands face down toward the crystal ball.
Closing her eyes, she focused on the coven and the set of runes that had been shared in the email. Slowly, white smoke began to fill the ball. It swirled around for a while until an intimidating voice boomed through her room “password.”
“Laudo terrae,” she said out loud.
The smoke in the ball began to clear and the floating heads of the coven members surfaced.
“Arabella,” the High Priestess’ voice rang out in a shrill reprimand, “you’re late!”
“How is it even possible to be late to a crystal meeting? Where were you? Your kitchen?”
“I had a late Zoom meeting at work, Megathreon,” Arabella retorted, using the witch’s full name (which she hated).
Megathreon (Megan’s) face wooshed toward her in the crystal ball with a fierce and fiery glare. Actually, there may have really been some fire in the witch’s hair. She was known for starting flames with her temper.
“Whatever the reason,” the High Priestess said, “let’s continue. Arabella, Listra was just reminding us of what we covered in yesterday’s meeting.”
It took everything in her to stop Arabella from rolling her eyes. First of all, why was it necessary to recap what had happened just twenty-four (okay, twenty-five in Arabella’s case) hours ago? And why in the world would the High Priestess ask Listra to recap to do so? Arabella loved Listra (she was probably the coven member she liked most), but she was not the easiest witch to keep on task.
“Well,” Listra said dreamily, “you know, we wanted to have crystal enhancements for each witch. We were able to create three separate enchanting—what do they call them? The mortals?”
“Filters,” Suzanne chimed in, always ready with facts.
“Yes, that’s the word. We were able to create three separate enchanting filters that fit the theme of a Sauin Soiree. Lovely, isn’t it? The alliteration. And, you know, we’ve finalized the attendees.”
“Mother goddess,” Megan said in frustration, “get on with it.”
The High Priestess cleared her throat.
“Yes, thank you, Listra. I think what’s important for this meeting is simply making sure that everything is in place. Can we confirm that again with the hobgoblins that three hundred witches and warlocks can fit into dimension 60? We’ve never tried to fit so many apparitions into one dimension before.”
“I’ll check with them right after this meeting,” Suzanne answered.
“Isn’t it going to be delightful?” Asked Genvieve, her long red hair glimmering more than ever in the shine of the crystal ball, “It’ll feel like we’re really there. All of us together again.”
“Yes,” answered the High Priestess, “and Arabella, have you sent the spell for the hors d’oeuvres to everyone?”
“Yes,” Arabella answered with a sharp nod.
After a busy day at work, she had continued into the night creating the splash page for the Sauin Soiree on Cauldron, the coven’s website. On the page, she had included a simple recipe spell that every witch or warlock in attendance could complete to create the delicacies that would have been served in-person in their own homes.
“Let’s take a final look at the page then, Arabella,” the High Priestess said.
Arabella nodded, but internally she sighed. It seemed that no matter where she was, she was always undergoing reviews and rounds of feedback. She pulled up her laptop and opened the splash page on her screen. Here it goes, she thought (as she had thought every day that week).
It was a lot easier to share a screen on Zoom than it was over a crystal. The first time she’d tried, Arabella had accidentally shared photos from her last trip to the Black Forest with Arwen, Ravenna, and Omen. The photos were of the four of them taking potion shots in front of a beech tree. The High Priestess had not been impressed.
Taking a deep breath, Arabella looked directly at her computer screen. She raised her right hand and swirled it in an ovular shape to encompass the screen. Then she hovered her left hand above the crystal ball on her coffee table.
“Translatio randhar,” she said, and repeated it over and over until sparks started to flicker in the crystal ball.
Finally, something began to appear on the screen. Arabella held her breath, praying to the goddess that she had gotten this right, but as soon as she did, the flickering stopped.
“Shit!” She said.
“Arabella!” The High Priestess shouted. Suzanna snickered in the background.
“Sorry!” Arabella said, and began her chant again.
The flickering finally turned into a real spark and smoke swirled in the crystal ball before fading to show the splash page for the coven to see.
“It’s beautiful,” said Listra in her slow, melodic voice.
“Yeah, looks better than the last version,” Megathreon admitted (which was a compliment coming from her).
The page was black of course with an image of a cauldron surrounded by deep hued flowers and potion bottles at the top of the page. The image was completely still apart from smoke that rose from the cauldron in thin silver whisps. As you scrolled, (which Arabella did now to show everyone), gold letters appeared on the page. It looked as though someone were typing them as you watched.
Welcome to the home of the doubly hundredth Sauin Soiree.
This year, we are converging as ghost apparition figures so as to keep our human bodies safe at home. Wickedly formal attire is still required and you can expect just as spectacular an event as all years past.
Please read the below to ensure you have the best experience:
Date: October 31th, 2020
Time: 21:00
Place: Grand Mausoleum at the Eery Cemetery in the 7th Dimension
How to join:
Clear a space in your own home for your human body to move about.
Draw a small pentagram with chalk on your floor (string, of course, is acceptable for homes with carpets).
Place a small quartz at its center.
Step into the pentagram when you’re ready to attend.
Complete your standard Artha vedda spell and head for the seventh dimension with your third eye.
Once you’ve reached the seventh dimension, head for the gold gates of a cemetery.
At the gates, please use the password provided to you in your RSVP confirmation email to gain admittance.
Not sure what your password is? Click here.
Extras:
Please find three unique crystal enchantments for your use throughout the evening here. The enchantments will transform your apparition into one of the following: old hag, maid of the glen, devil in disguise. These are especially fun to use while in the photobooth.
To enjoy the treats baked by Genvieve, please use the following recipe spell:
Pumpkin spice and everything nice, two dead mice and a mushroom slice
Chocolate chunks, some gooey green funk
Apple toasties to make the moasties
Whip and stir
Add a dash of goat’s fur
A pinch of trouble, start the cauldron a’bubble
Snap and wobble
Then get read to gobble.
Performers:
Dr. AC - the Master of Ceremonies
Listra - the haunting
Ghoulin’ around - dance music
Enchantress - the spell caster
The page ended with another moving lifestyle image. This one showed a model witch and male model warlock dancing around an expansive ballroom in wickedly formal attire.
It had taken Arabella quite a bit of time to create that image, but she knew the High Priestess loved it. Besides, she was one of the lucky witches, single and without little ones shooting wild spells out like animals. She had more time on her hands than some of the others, like Suzanna.
She was grateful to be single while planning for this big event. Of course, she had gone on one distanced broom ride with a warlock during quarantine, but it hadn’t been a love connection.
“I think the only thing left to do is ensure the entertainment is all in order,” Genevieve chimed in.
Arabella snapped her finger and the image of her screen disappeared from the crystal ball. It was always easier to stop sharing than it was to start.
“Yes,” said Listra in her lilting voice, “I’ve been practicing my haunting all week.”
Haunting was a type of singing that witches practiced. It consisted of rhythmic calls to the spirit world. In ancient times, mortals had been fascinated by it and created their own versions. In Sweden it was called Kulning. In Japan it was called Enka. In America, it was sometimes known in English as the Chant of the Sun.
Dr. A.C. would be part of tomorrow night’s walkthrough and Genvieve promised to check-in with Ghoulin’ Around since she had sourced the band.
“It seems we are on track,” the High Priestess said with a smile, “just keep an eye on the Slack channel in case of any fire drills. Otherwise, I will speak with you all tomorrow.”
With that, the crystal ball filled with smoke once more and Arabella was left in her apartment. She moved from her sofa back into her kitchen. It was time to eat something before bed so that she could wake up and do it all again tomorrow.
At least there was Sauin to look forward to.
